Thursday, February 3, 2011

why eulogy


People respond to traditions differently.
My uncle died two months ago it irritated my cousin when people called for condoning. I was numb and went through the formalities mechanically when Papa died. Another cousin though found the condolence visits embarrassing and time devouring he suddenly recalls incidents and talks about them.
The tradition of eulogy during condolences or funeral are supposed to be as the Greeks put it “praise the dead, inspire or instruct the living.” There is something comforting when people evoke memory of the dead in a way that it consoles the living.
People share anecdotes, or the moment the dead touched their lives to change it irreversibly in most cases for the good.
It is as though the dead is revived. The choke emerges and a sob is eased. A hand on the shoulder, which assures affection for the person dead, who they loved and admired it is now transferred to you.
It also reminds you the onus of having to honor that legacy. The essential purpose I think of these funerals, eulogies, and condolences are to let the living know that their grief is shared honored and eased.

Barriers


At school we had a lesson called “Bengali bahu” it was the story of a young  Brahmin boy from Allahabad, who marries a Bengalis Brahmin his family refuses to accept the couple because Bengoli’s are fish eaters. Interestingly the families share a maid, and one day the maid informs the family that the Bengalis Bahu is very sick, the older daughter in law sneaks to the brother-in-law’s house to deliver food, she meets the brother-in-law’s wife for the first time and is amazed by her beauty. Unfortunately the Bengalis bahu is too sick to talk.
When she returns her mother-in-law says ”Bengalis women are so beautiful, even though dark” that’s when the daughter –in-law realizes that the mother-in-law had visited the house too. The mother in law had kept quiet not wanting to upset her mother in law, “after all the girl fell sick tending to my son who near death, if it was not for her I would have lost my son.” The old Matriarch hearing this says then why are we leaving the two children alone, bring them here, I visited them too, but kept quiet as I did not want to upset you.
I remembered this story when I hear Maria counseling Theresa yesterday. Maria is in her early sixties, she said”sitting alone in my rocking chair I am ashamed of my assumptions. Don’t do the mistake that I did.”
“??” Theresa raised an eyebrow.
“you are marrying into a traditional family at Gaya, so you are reluctant to visit them, what makes you feel they won’t accept you?”
“uh! Such old fashioned Brahmins accepting a catholic!”
Maria smiled and shared her story. She was married to a traditional Assamese Brahmin.  First two times she went to her husband’s place now in Bangladesh; there was a terrible communication gap as she knew no Assamese and her mother-in-law new no other language. Neither was her atheist husband comfortable with the environment at the traditional Brahmin house.
When her husband passed away her treatment she got at the hands of her friends at Bombay made her more reluctant to go to her husband’s village, but as he had requested that his ash be dispersed in the river by the house, she went.
She said, the village women escorted her, made her sit at a very honored place, washed her feet, wiped it dry with their pallu’s consoled her telling her she should not feel alone and they were with her, her sisters-in-law she says treated her with so much affection she felt guilty of the judgment she had passed.
It was now 10yrs since her widowhood, but she had bonded with her husband’s family like never before, she shuttles between Bangladesh and Goa she is at peace.
Lets hope Theresa finds her home too.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

a karmic kourtsey


Yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery so live in today, nice thought, philosophy and the anthem of the great contemporary spiritual seekers. (That’s an other muse all together)
Another favorite is the cause and effect the Karmic Law, it looks like Newton had his realization through every action has an equal and opposite reaction,
Tell me about yesterday being history as clean up after a weeks retreat of a baker’s dozen.
Tell about good Karma after I have just cooked 24 meals for a dozen and half of people.
Maybe yesterday being history is a good enough excuse for amnesia, while Karmic accounting takes care of recuperation.
To me a scar is a trophy of a challenge overcome, one more scar is more trophy, an acknowledgement of my endurance power even if I have to lick my wounds and blow my trumpet.
Maybe I should thank my maker for not making me spiritual. J

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

ground hog day


Feb.2nd today America celebrates the national ground hog day. A very interesting holiday that stems from a society that was deeply involved with nature and animals.
The folklores have it that a groundhog emerging out of its burrow today would take stock of the weather. If it was cloudy it would leave the burrow indicating that the winter would soon end. If not it would return to the burrow and winter would continue for another six weeks.
In the modern times the holiday involves waking up early in the morning to watch the ground hog.
This holiday began in 18th – 19th century Pennsylvania a take of German weather lore where a badger indicated the change of season.  The link of this weather lore can be seen in the medieval catholic holiday of Candlemas, the festival of Imbolc the Celtic calendar also celebrates feb.1st as weather prognostication
The earliest reference to this event is in a diary dated February 5th 1981 penned by storekeeper James Morris of Berks Country Pennsylvania: last Tuesday the 2nd was candelas day the day on which according to the Germans, the groundhog peeps out of his winter quarters and if he sees his shadow he pops back for another 6weeks nap but if the day be cloudy he remains out, as the weather is to be moderate.
In the western country the official first day of spring is about 7 weeks after ground hog day that is March 20 –21, that is also round the time we celebrate Vasantotsav in India.
PS note
groundhog - reddish brown North American marmot --- stocky coarse-furred burrowing rodent with a short bushy tail found throughout the northern hemisphere; hibernates in winter—synonyms Marmota monax, woodchuck




Robinson Crusoe day


For all of us who thought that Robinson Crusoe was a piece of children’s literature, well it is a prototype of a novel that has attracted historian, economists, political scientist and philosophers. Since it focuses on the basic human needs, social organizations, and religious opinions all that encompasses the civilized man,
The slave and master interaction of Crusoe and Friday is an undeniable truth of the Caucasian attitude.
Over the years it has inspired people to look for the existence of the real island.  1927 Hubbard who traveled to Tobago found that several people claimed that there grandfathers had known Robinson Crusoe in flesh.
But it is more likely that a remote topical island of Juan Fernandez near Venezuela could be it. For on February 1, 1709 Alexander Selkirk a Scottish sailor was rescued from there. He was put ashore by his captain with whom he had quarreled. This was in 1709 and the choice of being put ashore was Alexander’s. It is believed that Alexander Selkirk was the inspiration for Robinson Crusoe.
Feb 1st is now commemorated as Robinson Crusoe day.