Accepting apologies

We say “its okay” when somebody has wronged us which energetically is allowing for the behavior to happen again.

In life there will always be times when we are affected by actions of another person. When this happens we often receive an apology more often than not we say ,”it’s alright” or “its okay” and by saying this we are allowing accepting and giving permission for the behavior to happen again. When say “thank you” or “I accept your apology,” we are forced to face our feeling rather than ignore them.

There are many of us who feel it is easier to brush off how we really feel than to express our discomfort with something that has happened to us. While this may initially seem like the best thing to do, what it really does is put into an unending patter of behavior. Since we are not honest with another person, we continue the cycle of letting them overstep our emotional limits time and again. By doing this we place ourselves in the position of victim. We can put an end to this karmic chain by first acknowledging to the other person we accept their request for forgiveness, often a simple “thank you” is enough. To truly create a greater sense of harmony in our relationship however we need to gently and with compassion express our concerns about what has transpired. By taking a deep breathe and calling upon the deepest part of our spirit we can usually find the right to say and verbalize them in a way that lets the other person recognize. The consequence of what they have done.

If we can remember that our response to others is important, we can begin to realize that trust and forgiveness go hand in hand. And we react in a way that engenders a great amount of honesty and candor we will establish a more  positive and empowering way of being  and interacting with others.

the blame game

Burdensome Feelings
Blaming Others

Blaming sets up a situation in which it becomes difficult to move forward and puts resolution in the hands of others.

As we begin to truly understand that the world outside of us is a reflection of the world inside of us, we may feel confused about who is to blame for the problems in our lives. If we had a difficult childhood, we may wonder how we can take responsibility for that, and in our current relationships, the same question arises. We all know that blaming others is the opposite of taking responsibility, but we may not understand how to take responsibility for things that we don’t truly feel responsible for. We may blame our parents for our low self-esteem, and we may blame our current partner for exacerbating it with their unconscious behavior. Objectively, this seems to make sense. After all, it is not our fault if our parents were irresponsible or unkind, and we are not to blame for our partner’s bad behavior.

Perhaps the problem lies with the activity of blaming. Whether we blame others or blame ourselves, there is something aggressive and unkind about it. It sets up a situation in which it becomes difficult to move forward under the burdensome feelings of shame and guilt that arise. It also puts the resolution of our pain in the hands of someone other than us. Ultimately, we cannot insist that someone else take responsibility for their actions; only they can make that choice when they are ready. In the meantime, if we want to move forward with our lives instead of waiting around for something that may or may not happen, we begin to see the wisdom of taking the situation into our own hands.

We do this by forgiving our parents, even if they have not asked for our forgiveness, so that we can be free. We end the abusive relationship with our partner, who may never admit to any wrongdoing, because we are willing to take responsibility for how we are treated. In short, we love ourselves as we want to be loved and create the life we know we deserve. We leave the resolution of the wrongs committed against us in the hands of the universe, releasing ourselves to live a life free of blame.

the great Rakhi saga

Yesterday was Raksha bandhan,


It reminded me of my senior Dr.Jegadeeshan, he must be in some corner of Malaysia every rakhi brings back memories of him. He would be desolate on the day to quote him”I hate this festival-la, all girls turn up uh to tie rakhi, there are so many that I can’t lift my hand-la they don’t see-yah that it massacres my reputation as Casanova-la.”

Another classmate was thoroughly upset when he heard us saying that he was very brotherly.

The greatest bhaiyyaland festival, marketed by bollywood after Karwah chauth. This event has well supported by Archie’s, and any other commercial venture piggy riding on the great Indian culture, of bhaiyyaland.

My granddad told me no self respecting south Indian girl should tie a rakhi, considering that the south is a matriarchal and sometimes matrilineal society. Women are as educated as the men.

Another friend had another way of putting it, all the KMC and MIT crowd out there this was from Anupa Chaco she reckoned that the festival of Rakhi was there because our culture could not accept the platonic relationship between a man and woman. It had to be either the ever glorified holy brother-sister or the sexual kind.

Declaring XYZ is my Rakhi brother seem to make it all respectable.

Yet I can’t imagine tying a Rakhi to Manoj, he is my friend, probably with Anupa being far away my best one, trying to label this bonding into the bracket of bhaiyya-behen would be the ultimate insult of our friendship. Why is it so difficult to accept that someone is a friend, he or she is such a good friend, the person ceases to exist in physical form the person being male or female is irrelevant.

Why is it necessary to label bonding? Is it a way of re-enforcing boundaries that society binds us with?(after all the respectable society does not know of incest)

why can’t we just accept a good friend and thank god for the beautiful gift?

the wives

Sunday times carried an interesting article about the first wives club. Made up of celebrity wives who were given the royal ditch when her husband moved on younger pastures.


The sense of guilt, wonderment of what went wrong, explaining to the kids, coping up with the kids are all difficult. It even more hurting to face the sympathy or the pity of the family and peer group. A single non-compliance would be pointed out ha! She has XYZ fault because of which ABC suffered and the man moved on.

These are the obvious separated ones. The Indian community has a new one, where husbands are hooked on a mistress who is far more enticing. In this case the first wife does not even get emotional support, forget the sympathy part of it. I am talking of the victim of the newly catching epidemic called spirituality.

This mistress comes with a golden halo and social adulation.

The wife is supposed to understand, support the husband in this cause. Listen to the gibes as to how horrid she must be if her husband had to turn to spiritual support. From other spiritual enthusiastic the refrain is how blessed the wife must be.

Right from Yashodhara to tukaram’s wife to these women have borne the brunt of single parenting, financial challenges, in addition to a guilt trip what could I have done differently that my marriage would be saved. Life becomes one courtroom ordeal where one has to constantly defend oneself, family, friends, children other male predators.

Its always the mother who pays the price.

taking a break from what you are doing.

A new approach


Taking a from what you are doing

There was this beautiful thing that I read some time back, when something was not happening the way you want it, and it kept getting blocked then the great idea would be to put into a box and leave it for god to solve.

But what things that occupies all our mind and energy?

Actually it would be a good idea to take a break and maybe reboot, or at least reset.

Without realising it we tend to go in circles. Finding it difficult to concentrate on things because we are distracted by the mundane not really achieving much. These are signals that we are getting stagnated. We need to slow down and relax. Since we are so involved in things that external to us, however we may easily overlook what is really going on inside us. It during these themes that we need to step back from the things that occupy our minds and connect with our inner self, giving our minds bodies and spirits the time to heal, rejuvenate and reinvent.

This might feel like a non productive scene. But it is really necessary in the long run. It could be small capsules during the day. Like practising yoga or meditating or even something as simple as concentrating on our breathing. These small acts probably put us back in communication with the universe. The peace of the universe enters us that our everyday troubles get a little diluted.

Sometimes it’s like giving a gift to ourselves, i.e. giving ourselves a respite from our everyday trouble. With weight lightened we are more receptive to wisdom and answers the universe has to offer.

On Ramayana and Mahabharat

Contributing to a Anthology of Ramayana was an experience.


Presenting something new, or wrapping the old text into a new format was a challenge. While I was at it. So many thoughts, arguments surface and then vanish.

Somewhere along the way I figured, that the two epics that have achieved iconic worship status are so as we have never bothered to contemplate on it. If we were to use one word to sum up the epics then

Ramayana is all about compliance.

Mahabharata is about revolution.

Rama obeys Yadu disobeys

There is no division of kingdom Kingdom gets divided

Monogamy was upheld Both polygamy and polyandry are accepted

Social and war rules were honoured The rules have been bent and broken when the need arises.





Ramayana is greatly revered and worshipped, yet we are talking about destruction of the forest dwellers and their traditions. We venerating the Holocast at Lanka.

Hasyam Shurpanaka prakarnam is the definition of hasya, I fail to understand what is funny of disfiguring a woman. She was more educated than the women of Ayodhya, she came from a civilization that had different values and priorities from the ones of Ayodhya. We are conveniently ignoring the fact that Dasharatha did not even pretend to keep his King Kaikeya, about making Bharat the King, he just went ahead and announced Ram his successor. We are condoning and to a great extent even eulogising Rama’s act of denouncing Sita.

Mahabharat on the other hand tackles issues hands on. We have the necessary changed diagnosed and then dealt using either sama-bheda or danda.

Symbolism of the snake God

Satteri worship of goa is the worship of the anthill. The presence of a live anthill is indicative of fertile land. When the anthill is a termite hill it has fertile potential, and tends to go deep.


Folklore believes that the termite hill is the pathway to the Nagaloka or the land of snakes. Again we come to the fertility motif. Usually snakes tend to displace the termites.

Snakes particularly the Nagas i.e. the hooded snakes tend to move slighter and rest in crevice. Hence it is associated with fertility of earth. The shedding of the snake skin is considered parallel to the earth’s recovery of fertility cycle bonding the symbolism even further.

Myths round the world associate snakes with the mysteries of life and death. Mystic powers and healing are also symbolized and associated with snakes. We see this association even today.

Naga’s represent fertile soil, or deep mineral wealth of the earth, so logically they became the guardians of Lakshmi’s grace. The symbolism furthered and they are also worshiped by women seeking children. The Naga worship is also seen in farmers seeking a good harvest.

I find it a very interesting flow of festivals. The Nagapanchami is followed by the ganesha chaturti,

Again a totemic representation of all things that could destroy a crop, the elephant, and a rat, which is contained by a snake

Art uses snakes to represent both the spiritual and the material component. The goddess holds a slithering snake for only then does the shedding of the dead skin and rejuvenation takes place which is a must from natures point of view. The slithering snake represents the flow of rasa or flavour of life, the waxing and waning of the material life. The movement or slithering snake is associated with fertility, pleasure, and a life giving river

The coiled snake the Kundalini, which was brought under control by Krishna is representative of the Yogic or the spiritual energy it is like the raw milk full of potential.

The festival of nagapanchami is on 5th day of Shravan. This year it falls on aug.14th.

driving your life

Wake up in the morning, making coffee, then wake the kids, their lunch boxes, dropping them off to school rush to the clinic, market, this and that the entire schedule is like a mad hatters party. It is as though I am sitting in a car and being driven by someone else. It is as though I am driving yet I am not in the drivers seat.


This is not only me, many of us go from one thing to another until we end up back at home in the evening with just enough time to wind up for the day. We seem to just drift without taking stock our bigger picture or doing a single spontaneous thing for the day.

Maybe some time we should grant ourselves the luxury of sitting back figuring what we want and get right back into the driver’s seat. This could be a little uncomfortable at times, maybe we carry the onus of having to be responsible for any crash but the journey might at the end of it all be more worthwhile.

We can spend a little more time with ourselves and our family.

Wishing you a happy journey.

changing the world

There are times, when we feel acute need to change others.


To get them to think like us, maybe this is the time that we need to look into a mirror. We may not find a wonderland like Alice did, but there would be a message for us.

When I think of snow white I think the beautiful stepmother and her evil mirror is something like our perception of humanity as a whole, i.e. dualistic. With a broad brush we paint pictures of people some like us, who share our opinions and attitudes and others who don’t. We are so caught up with the rightness of our thoughts and values that we are teased and sometimes even frustrated by the different.

Why is that we are unable to realize that we are all individuals.

Maybe because over the time we have learnt to flourish in the richness of lives we have built may come to believe that we are qualified to speak on behalf of the greater source.

Maybe if we pause a while we’ll figure that the sum of what we do not know exceeds the sum of what we know. Individual goals and potentials are different; we do a disservice when we try to make it all uniform.

Maybe we should realize our strength by giving up controlling, and embracing people for what they are. Appreciating their uniqueness,

Perhaps that’s what it’s all about at the end of the day; we respect the right of people to be them.

Maybe we can gaze inwards on to that one person who we can change i.e. ourselves.